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Sunday, January 3, 2010

Depleting

Depleting





hOmE


Had dinner with Kerol and Fir last night, they talked about me flying

Got an email from Hanis asking if I'm excited about leaving


Out of all major topics that we can talk about but parents chose to talk about accommodation at Aussie.

Read Miza's YM status "38 days left"


Received a text from Zahidah asking to lepak before I fly


Was listening to a song "leaving on a jet plane" a few minutes ago


Sister asking me to go 1utama to check out Samsonite luggage bag

I used to tell them "I don't know I don't know later later think about it" then I shut the door on them continue living in this denial world of mine. Now, I can't shake it anymore, it's like this burden on my shoulder is getting heavier and heavier day by day. I'm running out of strength to close this door. I just can't. It's just too much.

Aren't I suppose to be happy? To be able to further my studies abroad? Gonna meet new friends new people, be in a new environment. But why does my heart tells me that I'm sad?

I know why.

I'm leaving home.
My happiness.
My love.

Honestly, I don't have the intention to make a big scene out of this or being all dramatic about it however, this thing is really eating me alive. When I look at the mirror, I saw this person who is really depressed and no one is taking him seriously. I've been trying so hard to be a good son and friend but I seemed to get far away from that.

Apart of me can't wait to get it over with. Can't wait to fly off. To get over with this period of waiting for that day to come. I hate waiting urgh.

BUT

Apart of me don't want that day to come, give me more time that I need here.

I just don't know anymore.

12 comments:

Saiful Ridzuan said...

just look on the brighter side,
right now you're clouded by emotion.
you'll get through it, no doubt.
:D

t a u f i k said...

I understand ur situation. Everyone has experienced it. We deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces. Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Held your head high buddy. It's all right.

Aiman Ariffin said...

SR: thanx bro, i know right. maybe im just emotional at e moment.

Aiman Ariffin said...

Taufik: hey man, yup u got that right. I'll try k? and thx a lot

k.A said...

fikir masak2. whatever ur decision nanti i'm sure everyone will always support u. :)

Aiman Ariffin said...

k.A: pikir2 byk2 pun tak guna. Still kena fly. Hopefullyla

kery said...

sedih plak ble baca nih..takpe aiman, aku dlu pun awal2 mmg mcm tu gak..lama2 dah ok la jgak.. what ever is it now, just enjoy yourself with all your frens there...enjoy sakan, mate!!

hamizahghazali said...

ehh?
since whn i said my status is for u..
=p
my exam pn same counting tau minus 1 day..
hahaha..
btw,live n cherish the left 744 hours..
TIDO KURANG PLEASE!
no sedih2 anymore,go cpt n come back cpt..
tat's wat gonna happen,ntg else..
=)

Aiman Ariffin said...

Kery: yeah i know right. its a phase. thanx bro, i really can use that support of urs

Aiman Ariffin said...

miza: OF COURSE its for me! hahaha i perasan, cuma taknak ckp pasal tu je huhuhu i knwo right, hopefullyla :)

hamizahghazali said...

i salah kira la..
not 31 yday..
ptt 35..
haha =p

Aiman Ariffin said...

Miza: laaa small thinglaa haha