BEYOND LAYERS OF BEAUTY
I admit, nothing is perfect in this big bad world of ours .... but I just can't hold myself from thinking how an unattractive person I am. Let's say when you're in a relationship, you would prolly want to look nice or pretty ALL the time when you're out with your lover so that they will keep their eyes on you right? besides, it's for other people to check you out as well right? as a bonuslah. But as for me, that doesn't really matter much tau, I mean, not as big as my problemla, the thing is, I'm never happy with myself. How I look like. How I dress like. How I appear like. There I said it. I know it sounds so stupid or annoying or maybe you guys will be saying things like "bersyukur boleh tak?" I know, I know, I know. I get it. But I just can't help myself!!
Let there be light upon me
Another confession to make, I edit most of my pictures or use the camera features thinggy to cover the unnecessary things that would make me look horrible. So most of the uploaded pictures in facebook or myspace or friendster are all editted. Then, when I see the pictures taken by my friends camera (uneddited), I'll try to untagged myself or delete those pictures cause I seriously can't watch myself looking soo .... sooo....ugly. I know, I'm the King of Denial and so I try to deny the pictures not taken by myself. Doesn't that mean anything to you? To me, it sounded like I'm denying myself. MY OWNSELF! Do you know how bad that is?
hiding from my own shadows
Besides that, How can guys differentiate themselves from other guys? practically, they wear shirt, t-shirt, pants, shorts. That's all. As for me, the only thing that makes a difference between any of us would be how nice it'll look and how rarely you see people wearing it. As not all people can afford to purchase pricey or overpriced goods, therefore I try to go for them. Which will cost me $$$ kaching! this is when I smell money goes out. Insane right?
Wake me up
I envy some people you know. They can wear anything. As in ANYTHING. from cheap to expensive, from ugly to classy. They will ALWAYS look good. They always get the credit. I'm not trying to say that I care how people look at me. Well,..... ok maybe a bitla but my problem is more towards me, myself & I accepting, embracing, my ownself. Don't judge me okay! Just expressing my problem.