Friday, July 24, 2009



A bomb exploded in my heart today with a huge BAM!! The bomb has always been there actually, imagine that. Knowing that its there and waiting for the timer to end so that it could just do its job. Everyday, hearing it, ticks. Each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise.

That's right. I was at my lowest level of life. No face I can turn to. No one to talk to. No place I can run to. No shoulder to cry on to. I could not do anything else, but I walked forward without thinking. I had to keep moving. Finally I stopped. I curled up on the floor. I lay there lost in an unthinking statue, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.

Then you guys appear in the picture. Relief was the strongest emotion in my body, relief that you guys came to shine light to the very core of my being. As much as I struggled not to think about it, I did not struggle to forget. I worried, late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses, that it was all slipping away.

Thanx Syida & Edah for rescuing me from home to rasta

I lay in my bed, resigned as the pain finally made its appearance. It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued throb and bleed despite the passage of time. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.

Thanx Kelly for comforting me. Thanx Dipica for calling

And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain, the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head but its okay, it was was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it. Where are you my clinggy friend? Where are you when I need you most? Where? I don't see you. Not even a shadow of you. You left me at the very time when I desperately in need of you.

I need stitches. Will you help me?

Thanx Billy for calling. Thanx Dixon for your cheering me up

Thanx Hanis, although you're at NZ but you were there by my side

7 comments: said...

Salam Takzim Salam singgah kat blog kami

Sincere.. Kami dah baca blog anda.. dan terus akan membacanya... nice blog.. i like.. thanks 4 you kerana berkongsi pengalaman hidup pada kami

Reeyas Fathur said...

=) im always there for u la.. cheer up.. like i said, i will slap u when i see u

kery said...

hey i want it too..count me in..Im always there for u too..wait it sounds cheesy,innit? Argh, damnit! It's ok..just cheer up dude..Agree with Reeya..he shud slap you...Perhaps kick ur arse..hahaha..Wait, can i join slapping n kicking too? Sounds fun...Joking man...
Neway, one bomb has exploded,so is there anymore in there? Hope not...

ana said...

whatever bomb has exploded there, stand up and walk again. cheers

Aiman Ariffin said...

fathur: thanx buddy :) i know u will

Aiman Ariffin said...

Kery: lol, probably I need a little time. Bombs will be there. Its just a matter of time lol

Aiman Ariffin said...

Ana: yeap, thats what im planning to do. thanx for the heads up tho :)